To give the death, is the title of a Derrida's text I have never red. Even tough perhaps dying could be the only action to do alone, the only moment of individuality in a lifetime, the only possible evidence of a possible identity, when someone dies, he gives his death to those who stay alive. He makes a gift. A terrible yet brilliant gift.
Apart from the sorrow and whatever could cause it in that context, there is something else there. This text is not about love nor about the suffering experienced when a loved one dies: Its not crying a loss, its crying a crash against the real. It's the impossibility to understand how someone has simply quitted existing, how that piece of our own construction, no matter its roll or size, has been extracted, and its not going to be replaced. Dead people are not substituted. The void remains there, perhaps a little bit camouflaged, or forgotten, but there. A death is a pause in meaning, a fracture, when someone dies, things stop making sense, or that sense is proved wrong, proved false. Something just doesn't match; you won't buy it, I won't buy it. And the crack will remain there, as an ever-breathing scar, reminding us that sense doesn't actually make much of it, neither in death, nor in anything else, for anything else will, at last, be subjected to it, decodified by it, swallowed by it, dead.
I’m gonna miss this guy, more than I would miss him if he was alive. It´s not about seeing him, or shearing, it’s about having a bit of certainty; about knowing that that puzzle I once put together and named is still there. The house of your childhood still exists; you still have the same eye color, the same allergy, the same memories, the same not-friends you never see and don’t care about, and that makes you feel that you are sane. Autobiographical puzzles are reference threads that keep us floating, and a death is the strongest way to shake them.
I’ve been slapped in the face, I’ve been hit by a trailer, and its not about the pain. I’m in vertigo. I’m on fire. I’m a knot in a tongue
Whatever. Im tired, and nonsense
