When I decided that I would make a selfportrait performance piece, I first thought of the great self portraits of great artists that I have always liked (Dürer, Freud, Schille, Bacon, etc). How beautiful they are, how strong their gazes, how interesting their lives and thoughts must be. Amazing personalities are shown in those pictures, "and that" (I thought) "is what makes me like them, I suppose". So I figured out that in order to make something as good as that, you have to be as interesting as they were.
Then I realized that a self portrait is mustly about honesty, so you can not start to plan making one, trying to hide the things you do not like about yourself, or making up your face or gaze to "make it more interesting"; it would be like those dredfull drawings they make in parks for a very reasonable price, where besides of being you, you can be a little bit like anyone you like, (Brad Pit, or Danny DeVitto for instance).
So I thought, "OK, I can take the bitter bite of putting myself as I supose I am, including everything I do not like, all for the project" and then I thought "right, but even if I do, what is the point of a self portrait if it is not a demolishing personality, with intriguing eyes and a misterious twist that would produce something strong and real in the spectator.
This issues have been rounding my head, while I try to find a real reason to do it, and a way to have it done too.
Finally I have come to an idea:
The greatness of a self portrait relays on the degree of self confrontation it implies, on how cynical and how brave you are to face your own shit, not in how charming and magnetical your personality might be. But here is another question:
What if part of my personality implies that lack of braveness? perhaps breaking that thin line of fear I have for my own would completely affect the result making it unreal, and therefor not autobiographical, or self portratish?
If a self portrait is not self portraitish enough it is not worth it.
Then I have this Oscar WIlde´s quote spinning inside my head, disturbing my brains peace:
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth".
I completly agree with this phrase, and so I thought:
Would it be possible to compose a selt portrait performance, based on lies?
How honest can I be, how close can I get to showing the truth by wearing a mask?
And also, what kind of a mask would I like to, or should I wear?
I bealive that the simple fact of choosing a particular mask defines you completely, I mean, We also are what we would like to be seen as.
I think about copy.
Where is the line between an influence that would define you, a stolen idea that would do the same, or a shameless, cynical copy?
What is selective piracy, what are personal collections but a reflection of our own?
What about a REAL self portrait made of lies cynically copied from things or people you feel influenced by?
What about saying the truth through a complicated system of lies, fakes, copies, piracy?
What am I but a blend of things learned and stolen from everywhere?
Are we not defined by what we hate and love, know and don´t, seek and hide from, ignore and notice?
The definition of "definition", implies that something can not be defined by itself, but must be defined by external factors...
Then I realized that a self portrait is mustly about honesty, so you can not start to plan making one, trying to hide the things you do not like about yourself, or making up your face or gaze to "make it more interesting"; it would be like those dredfull drawings they make in parks for a very reasonable price, where besides of being you, you can be a little bit like anyone you like, (Brad Pit, or Danny DeVitto for instance).
So I thought, "OK, I can take the bitter bite of putting myself as I supose I am, including everything I do not like, all for the project" and then I thought "right, but even if I do, what is the point of a self portrait if it is not a demolishing personality, with intriguing eyes and a misterious twist that would produce something strong and real in the spectator.
This issues have been rounding my head, while I try to find a real reason to do it, and a way to have it done too.
Finally I have come to an idea:
The greatness of a self portrait relays on the degree of self confrontation it implies, on how cynical and how brave you are to face your own shit, not in how charming and magnetical your personality might be. But here is another question:
What if part of my personality implies that lack of braveness? perhaps breaking that thin line of fear I have for my own would completely affect the result making it unreal, and therefor not autobiographical, or self portratish?
If a self portrait is not self portraitish enough it is not worth it.
Then I have this Oscar WIlde´s quote spinning inside my head, disturbing my brains peace:
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth".
I completly agree with this phrase, and so I thought:
Would it be possible to compose a selt portrait performance, based on lies?
How honest can I be, how close can I get to showing the truth by wearing a mask?
And also, what kind of a mask would I like to, or should I wear?
I bealive that the simple fact of choosing a particular mask defines you completely, I mean, We also are what we would like to be seen as.
I think about copy.
Where is the line between an influence that would define you, a stolen idea that would do the same, or a shameless, cynical copy?
What is selective piracy, what are personal collections but a reflection of our own?
What about a REAL self portrait made of lies cynically copied from things or people you feel influenced by?
What about saying the truth through a complicated system of lies, fakes, copies, piracy?
What am I but a blend of things learned and stolen from everywhere?
Are we not defined by what we hate and love, know and don´t, seek and hide from, ignore and notice?
The definition of "definition", implies that something can not be defined by itself, but must be defined by external factors...
